It's been about a month since I've last written. Like always, I didn't really have much to say. Then a thought occurred to me. Since life isn't really about me, and it's about glorifying God, maybe I shouldn't use my own words. Or maybe I should, but they'll be my interpretation of what I think He's trying to tell me? Or something like that.
Here's a SPOILER ALERT for all of you: Being a Christian isn't always easy. "WHAT?!" you say. "That cannot be! After you get saved isn't it supposed to be rainbows and puppies and sunshine?" Actually, no. Whoever thinks that way should probably dig into their Bible a little more, because I think you're a little crazy. (Not necessarily in a bad way, I promise).
Not just in being a Christian, but specifically, in being a Christian teenage girl, there seem to be misconceptions that we're all on fire for Jesus 100% of the time, that we are seeking a husband (meanwhile, "dating" Jesus in the process, which is a totally weird concept to me), that we're seeking God's purposes, that we're just happy and wonderful all the time. It's not true.
The truth about being a Christian teenage girl, or even a Christian in general, is that it's messy. It's hard, it's messy, and sometimes we just want to be like everyone else. We don't want to strive to do better. We have bad days, we have good days. I'm mostly speaking from personal experience, but I'm sure this applies to at least one other person, somewhere.
If you've been following this blog for awhile, you probably know that I had a really bad run in with anxiety last year. I still have my moments, but through a lot of prayer, it's slowly improving. I'm only human. Just because I'm a Christian, doesn't mean I don't struggle.
I sin. I fail God constantly. I fail other humans constantly. It's a matter of being human. It's a matter of still having that humanness amidst the salvation.
To be perfectly honest, I have days where I want it all to be over. I have days where I feel like the world is going to swallow me whole and I don't want to get out of bed, but then I hear that still, small voice in my head saying, "You're gonna be okay." And I repeat that in my head over and over and over, keeping it on loop while I white-knuckle my way through the harder days.
I'm not exactly sure where some of the misconceptions came from that we Christians have it all together, but they're untrue. As a matter of fact, it's sort of the opposite. The reason we cling to a Savior, is because we can admit we DON'T have it all together. We admit that we can't figure out this life thing anymore than anyone else, and we need guidance to get us through.
The verse above is what keeps me going sometimes. He gives me the strength to press on.
I don't know about you, but I think all we all really want is to feel worth something. We all want someone to just look at us and tell us, "I love you. I care about you. You're worth it." And the reason we Christians seem to have it all together on the surface is because Christ did just that. When He willingly allowed Himself to die for us. Each one of us.
His doing that was like He grabbed us by the shoulders, looked us right in the eye, and said, "I love you enough that I died for you. Before you were even born, I died for you. I died so you could live." If that doesn't make you feel worth it, I'm not sure what will. As my Mom always says, "You're worth every drop of blood that Jesus shed all those years ago."
Do Christians have it all together? Absolutely not. Do we know what's coming next? No, we don't. Are we sure of anything? Besides Salvation and God's love, pretty much no. Are we gonna continue living like this? Absolutely! Because what else is there to live for? If we're just here as a tiny speck in the whole of time and life, and we die, and nothing comes after it, what do we have to live for? What do we have to look forward to? Nothing. Maybe this world has beautiful things to offer in it's brokenness, but afterward, if there's nothing left but the dust of your decomposing bones in the ground, then, frankly, I don't think this life is worth it. Christ makes this life-the struggle, the heartache, the suffering-so much more worth it. What He did and what I have to look forward to, makes the heartache worth it. That's what I'm living for. What about you?